


One too Many

by Waterfall_Creek97



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Matt is a good bro, Team as Family, slightly suicidal keith, team as dysfunctional family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 11:08:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12910653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterfall_Creek97/pseuds/Waterfall_Creek97
Summary: Keith and the others coming to terms with how things are left between them (cause I can't be the only one mad at how Keith is not on the team anymore)





	One too Many

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,
> 
> I just recently watched the show, only on S2 right now and I'm freaking in love.
> 
> But this is based off of scenes I've seen on youtube or things I've looked up from S4. Set post S4 finale
> 
> All mistakes are my own!

_**V:LD** _

Keith sank into the sofa aboard the Castle, sweat and blood and grime swiping onto the white fabric. But he never relaxed into the cushions - instead sat forward, elbows digging painfully into his knees - familiar as they were to his back. Too much tension, too much awkwardness.

_Too much pain_

The amount of people crowded into the lounge was something he never thought he'd see. Never thought they'd have so many allies. And the occupants...well, he'd never thought he'd see them ever again...let alone sit in the same room as them, sit beside them. Not after...well, everything. His eyes wandered over all of them, taking in the details, the things he'd missed but would never admit. The things he wanted...til the different colors of the people blended together into a vortex in his eyes.

Shiro sat on his right, back straight still in full soldier mode. His hair was slicked a back with drying sweat. On Shiro's other side was Lance, the picture of perfect relaxation. A total 180 from Shiro and himself. A cocky smile adorned the Red Paladin's face. But after everything they'd been through together - and everything he'd seen in his time away from them - ...Keith could see the suspicion buzzing beneath the surface of the Cuban's facade. And he could see the Red clad hand grip the weapon attached to his side. His chest clenched so, so tight every time he saw his colors on someone else.

To his left was Pidge, who was curled into her brother's side. He knew how much the separation had cut into the both of them. He'd seen it it Pidge's eyes every time a message came through and he saw her face, just like he saw it in Matt's every day. Pidge had a hand clasped tightly in her brother's, though her eyes were trained on the man across the room from them. Keith could see Matt's facing the same way...though every few seconds they'd tick back in his direction. As if checking if he was still there. And it took every piece of control he had not to flinch every time those eyes caught his.

Hunk stood in the back of the room with Allura  _-dressed in uniform, stealing that fifth place-_  and Coran, equal parts wanting to stay alert, and trying to keep from throwing up. And wasn't that just nostalgic. Suspicion rose off of them in waves, filling the room to stifling and Keith had the irrational urge to pull at the collar of his suit.

Across from them was Lotor, hands clasped in front of him in a set of energy handcuffs. Rebels lined the walls behind their "guest", every one of them armed and ready to attack. Keith couldn't say he blamed them. After every thing everyone had suffered at the hands of the Galra, having the prince sit in their presence and have to fight every instinct in their body telling them to attack him before someone was hurt...It was hard.

Keith watched Lotor, could see the barely concealed indignation at being locked up, the rage bubbling beneath the surface. The entitlement he was born into filling him to the brim. His own hand slid to his weapon in case the prince tried something. Not that he'd get very far with the people in this room, and all of the Castle's defenses trained on him. He could feel the thrum of energy beneath his feet as the magic and energy pushed through every part of the ship.

"You wanted to talk...so talk."

Keith turned his head slightly towards Shiro. He'd never heard the older man sound that tense before. He'd heard him angry, hurt, frustrated and just so so tired and defeated. But this wasn't that. There was something different about this sound. There was something...off. And he couldn't place it. Which didn't that just made his heart jump and clench painfully.

He used to be the only one who could completely read Shiro. The only one the man would go to about everything. There wasn't anything the other man could keep from him. Maybe it was because of how long they'd known each other, maybe it was because of everything they'd been through together. Maybe it was cause of just how much of the same they were. How much they'd been family.

He felt more than saw the other Paladin's stiffen at his voice too.

He wasn't the only one who could hear it, feel it.

Probably their Paladin connection.

Something he wasn't a part of it anymore.

Their own little  _family_.

_He wanted to be so, so sick._

He clenched his arm around his middle, trying to abate the pain he knew was not physical but felt entirely like it was. Like it was consuming him from the inside out like it was. Was just as debilitating as if it was. Maybe even more so.

He felt Matt's eyes on him. The worry pressing into him.

He kept his gaze away and ignored him.

Keith didn't realize he'd tuned out the conversation, how long he'd been wrapped up in his own head, his own body, til Lotor stood, and was led by an armed Coran and the Rebels to the holding area until they could decide what they wanted to do with him. If they even wanted to do anything with him.

He'd have to have someone give him the run down on everything later.

When the sliding door shut with a quiet hiss, silence descended. Keith looked around and realized the only ones left were the Paladin's, Matt and...himself. And that hurt, knowing he wasn't needed here. Wasn't even supposed to be there. He felt the awkwardness of being where he wasn't supposed to be, imposing. And it pressed him down. And he wanted to descend into himself, so he could ignore every thing, every one. Block out the sensations that no one knew was killing him.

_Only five paladins_

_One too many_

There wasn't a Keith shaped hole in the team. No missing Red Paladin - not with Lance to fill that hole, step into it better than he ever had, play second in command -and the princess playing the Blue Paladin so, so well, so fast. They'd flawlessly pulled together, made Voltron stronger, better. Enough to push the Galra back, more than ever before. A big win.

_Stronger without him_

_Never with him_

He pushed himself up to standing, feeling every bone, every muscle, every part of his body light up with pain. On fire. Red bleeding into his vision

_Wasn't that ironic_

He took a step forward, then another and another. Towards the door. Away. Feet leadened and heavy, dragging him down.

_He kept going_

He was distantly aware of everyone speaking, though it was indistinguishable. Like he was underwater. Far, so far under. The voices washing over him, never acknowledged or heard.

He felt hands grab onto his arms, stopping him, holding him. Shiro and Matt's faces swam into his vision, trying to grab his attention, to hold him there. Mouths moving, but voices still not understandable. He pulled against them, trying to continue forward. Not moving.

All the voices rose, the sound filling him - hurting him - rising around him. Still indistinguishable. Still unheard.

Hands gripped him harder, more painfully. Trying to pull him back to the present. To them.

_Why?_

"...on, Keith. Snap out of..."

"...going on with him?"

"...med bay."

"...move him."

"Keith, come on. Wake..."

_Why were they calling to him? He was doing what every one wanted. Be gone. Not imposing. Not making them feel guilty..._

"Keith! Snap out of it!"

_It didn't make sense. Was he dreaming? That was it. Dreaming._

"We have to do something."

_So very similar to his dreams. The ones where he was actually wanted._

_the ones where they actually called him family_

_One too many_

"...eith!"

"Keith!"

He let go and let the darkness consume him, take him away from everyone.

_**V:LD** _

They never thought they'd be in this position. Having Prince Lotor on their ship, cooperating, saying he wanted to work together. That he could be useful to their cause. Didn't seem right. Off.

Shiro led the Paladins, Keith, Lotor and the rebels to the lounge area at the center of the castle. They held their weapons at the ready, keeping an anxious eye on the Galra prince. The rebels tagged along at the back, their own weapons held tightly in a vice like grip. No one trusted the man being led between them.

Shiro glanced at Keith out of the corner of his eye, having seen the worried looks Matt kept shooting the younger man.

He'd never seen such a despondent look on the man's face before.

He hadn't been happy with letting Keith leave them, knowing just how much it hurt the team, hurt  _him._  But he wasn't going to keep him from following what he thought was the right path.

Now he was wondering if that had been the right choice.

He'd seen the look on Keith's face when he'd taken back control of the Black Lion, had seen the look he'd shot Lance and Allura. Seen the look when he'd turned around to leave. Seen the hurt. The despair.

_Then he'd left._

_Had he done the right thing letting him go?_

Shiro slid his eyes back to face the front, but the thoughts and the look on Keith's face never left him.

Had Keith left cause he felt he'd had no choice? Lance told him about the conversation he'd had with the other man, a few weeks after Keith had left. Lance had told him his thoughts about stepping down because Allura had done so well as the Blue Paladin. How Keith had told him don't do anything yet, about how things would work themselves out.

Shiro could see the underlying concern in Lance as he'd told him all this.

Why exactly had Keith left? How long had he been planning this?broken.

_How could he find out?_

He'd always been able to understand Keith, and vice-versa. They'd been all each other for a while, until that fateful mission that brought them to where they are today. But he'd never seen the younger male so closed off, so...

_broken..._

They'd gained the companionship - the family - they'd craved for so long. People they could depend on to have their back, to hold them up, to care for them. How Keith was hurting, he didn't understand. Unless...

It couldn't be...Shiro slid his eyes back to his oldest friend - his little brother- and felt his heart beat a sickening staccato against his rib cage, felt his soul ache before crumbling...

_Had Keith thought..._

_had he thought that there wasn't a place for him anymore? That he wasn't needed, wasn't-_

_wanted?_

Shiro felt his stomach drop away as the door to the lounge slid open and he stepped aside so everyone could step in -and it took every piece of self control he could summon not to grab Keith's shoulder when he'd walked passed him- and Lotor could be situated.

What had happened? How could he have never seen how much his brother was hurting? How much he'd let him down? How he'd abandoned him?

_How had they all?_

He gazed out over everyone, catching a few eyes but never holding them. He saw concern alight in the other Paladin's eyes - and didn't that dig a knife into his heart now that he knew how much it hurt Keith, how much he was now excluded - but ignored it for now.

After the interrogation was over, they would sit and figure this out.

_They had to...before more damage was done_

Everyone was getting situated around the room, picking vantage points for taking the prince out. When Keith sat on the couch -and he could see the tension in how he held himself, could now see how uncomfortable he was around everyone- he immediately claimed the spot to his right, sitting as close as he dared for now. He saw Lance glance curiously at him before taking the spot at his side. He turned his head and saw Matt do the same on Keith's other side - and he could feel the worry pouring out of him for their young friend, and that should have been them first, not Matt the man Keith had just met, who felt concern for Keith-before Pidge squeezed her way between Keith and Matt, claiming her brother's side.

Shiro felt Allura's quizzical stare on the back of his head, so he forced aside thoughts of Keith aside for now, as much as it hurt to do so. He turned to the Galran Prince across from him, matching him stare for stare.

"You wanted to talk...so talk."

...

Lotor was being led away by Coran and the rebels, leaving the Paladins, Keith and Matt alone in the lounge. Shiro bounced his gaze over everyone, trying to figure out how to broach the subject eating at him.

_Should he do it now with Keith here?_

_Should he wait for them to be alone?_

_How could he make all of this up to the younger man?_

When Keith stood, everyone jumped, rising from their seats as well. Everyone noticed the way Keith swayed, as if he was just barely holding himself up on his feet. Lance jumped to his feet, and Hunk stepped around the couch, ready to catch the other man if he fell. Shiro stood as well, but was stopped from stepping towards the younger men when Matt gripped his arm, grabbing his attention.

"Shiro, there's something you should..."

"Where are you going?"

"Dude, c'mon..."

They both turned back to everyone else when Hunk spoke up. Keith was walking towards the door.

If you could call it that.

The male's steps were slow and unsteady, as if weights were attached to his legs, slowing him down. His skin was clammy, everyone could see the flesh turn white with blood loss.

Shiro and Matt both rushed forwards, Shiro grabbed Keith's arms holding him still. He tried to snap him out of whatever daze he was in, his eyes glazed over and unfocused.

"Come on, Keith. Snap out of it! What's wrong?"

"What's going on with him?" Pidge stepped forward, pushing her glasses higher up on her nose. Concern furrowed her brows.

"I don't know, that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"He needs to be taken to the med bay." Allura piped up, having come closer with all of the commotion.

"Yeah, and how are we going to move him when he's like this without scaring the hell out of him?" Matt snarled. Shiro blinked and looked at him. This was the man that could hardly kill a fly back when they knew each other better, and he'd cry when he'd hurt someones feelings, and now he was snarling?

Shiro's worries jumped up a notch when he saw the man running his hands over Keith, looking for injuries. "What..."

"Not right now, Shiro. I'll explain later. But for right now we need to snap him out of this."

"Keith, come on buddy. Wake up." Lance tried snapping his fingers in front of his face. Cause for all that he claimed to hate Keith, the man was like his brother and he was worried. "Keith, snap out of it!"

"We have to do something. What if we carried him to the med bay?" Hunk stated, stepping forward into the circle formed around the catatonic man.

And then he went down, knees buckling.

Hunk held his arms out and caught the smaller man, grunting at the sudden weight against him.

"Keith, wake up!" Shiro tapped the younger male's cheek, trying to get the dark eyes to focus on him.

Then they slid closed and everyone panicked.

"KEITH!"

_**V:LD** _

Everyone was gathered around the healing pod which held Keith. Shiro leaned against the wall next to the pod, Lance right beside him. Hunk stood off to the side, arms crossed and silent. Pidge and Matt huddled on the floor across from the pod, both their eyes trained on the figure in it. Allura and Coran whispered to each other down the hall, leaving the others in peace.

Lance tapped his toes on the floor. He was hunched over, eyes unseeing as he got lost in his own thoughts.

Hunk stared out at nothing, as if expecting the air to give him the answers they wanted.

Pidge and Matt curled tighter around each other. Hands clenched together and sides touching, as if they were trying to become one.

Shiro stared at Keith. He clenched his hands into fists, knuckles turning white under the pressure. He didn't move a muscle. He could tell his muscles were going to give out soon, the tension rising in them bringing pins and needles. But he still couldn't bring himself to move. Cause if he even blinked he might miss something to show him that his best friend was waking up, was coming back to them.

When did all this start? How did it get this far? How did none of them see the cracks and fractures forming in Keith?

His eyes slid over to Matt. How come Matt was far more worried before hand than anyone else? What did he know?

The other man looked over and caught his gaze, before lowering them to the ground.

"Matt...what...what's going on? Earlier you seemed...like you expected something like this to happen."

Everyone turned to look at Matt. He looked over them all, clearly debating whether or not he should tell them. He finally sighed and closed his eyes, knocking his head back against the wall.

"I expected it because...well..."

Everyone just stared, anxiously waiting for him to finish what he was saying.

They never could have expected how bad it was.

"He...he almost killed himself."

Hunk gasped, then coughed, choking on his air. Pidge stared wide eyed at her brother, before turning it on the unconscious Keith. Lance just stared at the wall, boggled, and trying to figure out what he meant and if there could be any other way those words could be taken.

"The only reason he didn't is because the chance was taken from him. The only reason he's here right now is because of Lotor."

Everyone made quizzical noises, and started talking all over each other.

Lance look over at Shiro, who he noticed hadn't said anything.

"Shiro...you okay?"

Silence fell, and everyone turned their attention to their leader.

"Matt...he was going to crash into that ship wasn't he?"

All heads swiveled back to the elder Holt. Matt just kept his gaze on the ground with not a word.

After all, silence spoke volumes.

Hunk turned around and puked. Pidge looked a little green, but held it in. Her distress showed in her eyes, which were trained on Keith.

Lance walked over to the pod, and stared at their unconscious friend.

Everyone jumped when a sudden thud resounded and echoed through the air. Lance left his palm on the glass where he'd hit it.

"You better wake up, Keith. Because I have a beef with you...and you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Wake up damn it!" He slammed his hand into the glass again.

Shiro, placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.

"He'll wake up, Lance. Trust me. And when he does..."

"We'll fix this." Pidge stood and wiped her face of her tears. She strode over to them and placed her hand on Lance's other shoulder.

Hunk stepped forward and placed a hand on Shiro's shoulder, while Matt wrapped an arm around his sister.

"Together." They said as one

...

Keith groaned and squeezed his, before blinking them open.

Bright lights blinded him and he clenched his eyes shut again. He waited a moment before opening them again. There was a hiss and the pod opened. He stumbled out and tripped over something right outside the opening. He fell, and smacked into the floor with a thud.

Everyone woke up with a jump, the sound having jarred them from their sleep where they laid on the floor. Lance looked over and saw Keith trying to push himself up, before falling back down.

"Keith!"

Lance scrambled over to his weak friend, helping pull the other man into a sitting position against the wall. The others huddled around, waiting for their friend to become a bit more conscious. Shiro wrapped an arm around Keith's shoulders, pulling him in to rest against his side.

Keith was disoriented. He was having a hard time focusing on anything at the moment. The only thing he knew was that someone had a steadying hand on his shoulder and someone had a comforting arm around him. Before he could even completely think the thought, he snuggled into the warmth beside him, practically purring as his eyes slid shut again.

...

When Keith blinked his eyes open again, he was in the same position he'd been in before. His back was against the wall, and he was sitting on the floor across from a recently opened healing pod. His head was leaning against something hard, but not entirely uncomfortable. There were legs pressed against his own as everyone sat around taking up the width of the corridor. He lazily slid his eyes over and saw Black Paladin uniform covering the shoulder he was using as a pillow, he slid his eyes up some and saw Shiro gazing down at him, who gave him small smile.

"Welcome back, buddy."

"Yeah...what happened?" Keith pushed himself up to sitting on his own.

"What didn't happen?" Lance moved to sitting on Keith's other side. Pidge and Matt sat across from him, tangling their legs together while Hunk sat on Lance's other side. Keith noticed that the princess and Coran were suspiciously absent. He darted his eyes around everyone before raising a brow.

"Oookay. Do I get an explanation, or am I left hanging? What happened?"

"When were you going to tell us you tried to kill yourself?"

Keith stilled and lowered his eyes, before glancing back up. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about you trying to crash your ship into the shield and sacrificing yourself." Lance bitterly spit out. Keith narrowed his eyes and sat up straighter.

"I was doing what I had to. That was the only that was going to do anything to that shield. Nobody knew Lotor was going to show up out of nowhere."

"You would have died!"

"And I probably would've saved a lot of people! That's what we're supposed to do. You don't know what you're talking about."

"And what, we were just going to be thought about second, you were just going to let us find out by someone else? We're a team!" Pidge rose from her sitting position and clenched her fists

"No we're not!"

Everyone sucked in a stuttered breath. Shiro clenched his hands til he heard his Galran made on groan under the force exerted.

He'd come to the conclusion that that is what Keith thought, but to hear it aloud...was like a knife to the heart and was tearing him apart. He caught Lance's gaze and saw the realization dawn in his dark eyes. Shiro turned to the others, seeing the same horrified expression as he was sure was on his own face. Matt just looked to the side, having come to that conclusion long before anyone else had.

Why he hadn't said anything...Shiro will have to have a talk with him later.

"'What are you...what are you talking about, Keith? Of course we are! We...we..." Hunk stuttered out before just going silent. Keith just laid his head back against the wall, shying away from his and Lance's attempts at touch. He flinched and pulled away from them so they reluctantly pulled back.

Lance knew whatever was about to come out of Keith's mouth was going to hurt. It's going to hurt so, so much. But he kept silent and waited for the other man to speak up. Cause what was about to be said he'd thought for a period before it fixed itself like Keith said. Though fixing it had just hurt Keith.

_God this was so messed up_

"We're not a team." Keith breathed out and closed his eyes. Everyone stayed silent, except for the stifled sniffles from Pidge as she attempted to control herself. Lance closed his own eyes. So he didn't have to look at the despair and defeat on his friend.

"I'm not a paladin anymore. I have no place on Voltron. And you didn't ask me to stay. Didn't...didn't tell me there's a place here for me. Didn't...didn't try and make me feel  _wanted_. Shiro showed up and fine, he's a better leader than I ever could dream of being. But...There's no place me with Allura as Blue. Cause Lance is better at anything Voltron or lion than I ever could be so why try and take it from him? So I'm useless here. Hell, I'm useless anywhere. I couldn't even die right."

Keith pushed himself to his feet. And Shiro wanted to gather him in his arms, hug him, yell at him. Anything to make him realize that none of what he said was real, and tell him he's so, so sorry for not seeing the deterioration is his friend.

Keith couldn't take one step before his head snapped back from a hand slamming full force into his cheek. He lifted a hand to the tender skin in surprise, and everyone gaped at the sobbing Pidge.

"You...you idiot! That...that...was never true! We're a family. We're always there for each other. Never...never..." Keith lowered his hand and looked down.

"One too many Pidge. Only five Paladins. Shiro's black, you're green, Hunk's yellow, Allura's blue and Lance is red. Where does that leave me? I might still feel a connection to the red lion, but the emotional connection I had to you guys? Broken when there's no place for me. And lets face it? None of you were going to ask me to stay. Y'all were okay moving on as Voltron. So why argue?"

Everyone stared after Keith as he walked away, frozen still in shock.

_They couldn't argue with him_

Keith reached the door, which opened and showed him Princess Allura on the other side. Her stricken expression told him she'd heard it all. He hesitated for a moment, hating to leave them with all of them, but not being able to be there a moment longer. So he tipped his head to the woman and walked away. He reached the hangar door and paused a moment, before pushing it open and leaving the castle.

_No one stopped him_

**_~Fin...for now_ **

**Author's Note:**

> So...I tried to come up with a way to make this a happy ending, but I couldn't get it right. So, that's why I'm leaving this unfinished, because I hope to come back to this with a happy ending.


End file.
